Just days after the end of her marriage to Kevin Federline America’s
favorite trailer park tramp had her hair shaved off while going into and
coming back out of rehab three times a week. This is not to say that
Brittany will end up going plum loco as Mariah Carrey did just four
years after her marriage to Tommy Mottola ended in 1997. Her career
prospects are not looking too bright right now in fact he’s standing on
the platform at the station waiting for the crazy train made famous by
||Britney has tell book ghost written
for her, but controversy arises from the title ‘K-Fed Ex’
Federal Express promptly sues.
||As a last ditch effort to stir up
interest the Zune, appoints Britney as the spokes-bimbo. A week
later Microsoft officially announces the discontinuation of the
||Celebrates birthday by blowing
kids’ college funds in Las Vegas, wakes up married to Tommy Lee
||On the advice of her accountants,
Britney releases first album in three years. The CD ‘Got Milf’
collects dust in CD stores because people are buying online.
||Britney, following most other
celebrities whose fifteen minutes of fame were fifteen minutes
ago, gets her own reality show. Makes ‘The Osbournes’ look
||Britney again gets picture taken
wearing a mini skirt and no underwear. Attendance at gay pride
events reaches record levels.
||Britney’s new movie opens in
theatres, fulfills goal to win her own Golden Raspberry award.
She shared the ‘honour’ with Madonna when Britney ‘won’ for
Crossroads and Madonna ‘won’ for Swept Away back in 2002
||After a disappointing fall season
the Fox network brings back Celebrity Boxing, Britney faces off
against Paris Hilton, the boxing gloves don’t stay on very long
and ring is covered with all the peroxide blonde hair that had
freshly pulled out.
||Divorce from Tommy Lee finalized,
making this her longest marriage to date, she credits the
longevity to the fact she forgot she was married to Tommy Lee
||Britney celebrates 30th
Birthday with a string of meetings with anonymous alcoholics in
swanky Hollywood night clubs.
||After realizing that those scary
thirty five year old guys at her concerts when she first became
famous are now scary seventy year olds, Britney announces her
official retirement and then goes on one final tour. Cher issues
public apology for her incessant farewell tours.
||Britney starts annual telethon to
benefit the unfortunate victims of hair bleaching accidents.
||To pay for latest plastic surgery,
Britney makes a sex tape but sales and reviews are flaccid. The
DVD’s end up unsold and unrented on the 99 cent rack of adult
||Britney tries to make money by
investing in all those web sites that sold photochopped porn
featuring her head on other women’s bodies, who knew that
Internet bubble could burst for a second time.