Bill's Funny Pages

The Downward Trajectory of the career of Britney Spears

Just days after the end of her marriage to Kevin Federline America’s favorite trailer park tramp had her hair shaved off while going into and coming back out of rehab three times a week. This is not to say that Brittany will end up going plum loco as Mariah Carrey did just four years after her marriage to Tommy Mottola ended in 1997. Her career prospects are not looking too bright right now in fact he’s standing on the platform at the station waiting for the crazy train made famous by Ozzy Osbourne.

January, 2008	Britney has tell book ghost written for her, but controversy arises from the title ‘K-Fed Ex’ Federal Express promptly sues.
July, 2008	As a last ditch effort to stir up interest the Zune, appoints Britney as the spokes-bimbo. A week later Microsoft officially announces the discontinuation of the Zune
December 2008	Celebrates birthday by blowing kids’ college funds in Las Vegas, wakes up married to Tommy Lee
May, 2009	On the advice of her accountants, Britney releases first album in three years. The CD ‘Got Milf’ collects dust in CD stores because people are buying online.
September, 2009	Britney, following most other celebrities whose fifteen minutes of fame were fifteen minutes ago, gets her own reality show. Makes ‘The Osbournes’ look classy.
February, 2010	Britney again gets picture taken wearing a mini skirt and no underwear. Attendance at gay pride events reaches record levels.
August, 2010	Britney’s new movie opens in theatres, fulfills goal to win her own Golden Raspberry award. She shared the ‘honour’ with Madonna when Britney ‘won’ for Crossroads and Madonna ‘won’ for Swept Away back in 2002
November, 2010	After a disappointing fall season the Fox network brings back Celebrity Boxing, Britney faces off against Paris Hilton, the boxing gloves don’t stay on very long and ring is covered with all the peroxide blonde hair that had freshly pulled out.
May, 2011	Divorce from Tommy Lee finalized, making this her longest marriage to date, she credits the longevity to the fact she forgot she was married to Tommy Lee
December, 2011	Britney celebrates 30^th Birthday with a string of meetings with anonymous alcoholics in swanky Hollywood night clubs.
June, 2012	After realizing that those scary thirty five year old guys at her concerts when she first became famous are now scary seventy year olds, Britney announces her official retirement and then goes on one final tour. Cher issues public apology for her incessant farewell tours.
January, 2013	Britney starts annual telethon to benefit the unfortunate victims of hair bleaching accidents.
October, 2013	To pay for latest plastic surgery, Britney makes a sex tape but sales and reviews are flaccid. The DVD’s end up unsold and unrented on the 99 cent rack of adult video stores.
March, 2014	Britney tries to make money by investing in all those web sites that sold photochopped porn featuring her head on other women’s bodies, who knew that Internet bubble could burst for a second time.